Over the past few years, it seems like wanting and having sex has become increasingly normalized. However, it has also become pathologized to equate sexual desire with an instinctual “drive.”
It’s important to remember that it is possible to satisfy one’s psychological needs without engaging in sex. Whether it’s through food, exercise or spirituality, the choice is yours.
It’s a Need
For many people, sex is a natural part of life. It provides pleasure and creates connection with others. Sexual relations can even improve health in some ways. However, sex is not a need in the same way that food or water are needs. The desire for sex can be a sign that your body is healthy and in good shape, but it is not a necessary function.
In fact, some people are asexual, and abstaining from sex has no negative side effects. If you’re asexual, the answer to the question of is sex a need or a want may be a simple “no.” However, most of us experience the physical urge to engage in sexual activity as a response to our environment and our partners. If the urge doesn’t translate into actual sex, it may be because of stress, work, children or other circumstances.
It’s important to remember that the precise definition of sex is not really that important. What matters is that you have the right to choose what feels comfortable and satisfying for you. It’s okay for sexual desire to ebb and flow in your relationship. The key is open communication so you and your partner can talk about what feels good for you, and take appropriate action. This can mean using external condoms or other methods of protection, or changing things up a bit by trying new positions or toys.
It’s a Want
One of the key aspects to remember is that sex is not a need in any literal sense. Humans can live perfectly fine without ever engaging in sexual activity, even though they would not reproduce (though some people do not want to). So while it may seem like a need because it’s at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, it is actually a desire.
The problem is that in our society of sexual acceptance and pleasure celebration, it’s started to become common to think that wanting sex is “normal” and that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t feel this natural sexual fervor. This is an incorrect view of what sex is.
In fact, sex is a desire because it makes us feel good. It gives us a sense of fulfillment, and if we can fulfill this need in other ways – such as through our relationships or our hobbies – that’s okay, too.
It’s a Desire
Sexual desire is a natural human feeling and activity. It includes anything that sexually arouses you, including foreplay, kissing, cuddling sessions and oral sex. It also includes stimulation of the erogenous zones on your body and masturbation. You may have sexual desire for other people (penetrative sex) or yourself.
It is possible to feel a lack of sexual desire at times, for example during periods of stress or illness. Sometimes people can develop a lack of interest in sex because their partner has changed their sexual preferences or they are not able to fulfil other sexual desires, such as feeling intimate with the person they love. A lack of sexual desire can also be a result of trauma, depression or overwork, or it could be caused by the effects of drugs or alcohol.
Having sex for the wrong reasons can make a relationship less satisfying and cause people to resent their partners. Sexual desire can be a tool for intimacy in a healthy relationship, but it is not a substitute for a fulfilling life with family and friends, a career or personal growth.
Having sex for unsupportive reasons can be especially damaging to women, who have often been told their sexuality is inferior or wrong by society. This makes them more likely to seek sex as a way of connecting with their partners and to feel good about themselves, rather than because they want pleasure.
It’s a Choice
From a psychological perspective, sex is a choice. However, if you are not a naturally sexual person and have to force it, it could become an issue. In that case, you can address the root cause by finding healthy ways to meet your psychological needs and get back to feeling like a natural sex person.
Having sex without desire can be triggered by many things, including stress and life changes, as well as by a lack of intimacy in the relationship. If you are experiencing these issues, it’s important to talk openly and candidly about them with your partner. You should also educate your partner about your needs and the discrepancy in your desire levels, so they can support you.
The reasons people have sex when they don’t want to are varied and can include guilt and shame, or a sense of obligation. Alternatively, they may be trying to satisfy their partner’s sexual desires. This can lead to resentment and is more likely to happen with women than men.
Some people have sex because they think they should, and this is often the case with women, according to Ms Mourikis. She says this can be because they are expected to fulfil everybody else’s sexual needs before their own. Alternatively, they may be trying to make up for past experiences.