Sex with a new partner can be exciting, but also nerve-wracking. Especially for those who have been through a breakup or are in a long-term marriage.
Nerves and worries are totally normal, but you don’t have to let them stop you from experiencing sex. Here are some tips to help you make the most of this experience.
1. Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Sex with a new partner can be both exciting and intimidating. There are a lot of pressures to get it right, but being open and asking questions can help everyone feel good about themselves and the relationship. In addition, it is important to discuss boundaries and preferences beforehand. Having these conversations can also help prevent any surprises down the road and ensure that both parties are happy with the situation.
Asking sexy questions is a great way to start a conversation about sexual fantasies, desires, and scenarios. These discussions can be an important part of building intimacy in a relationship, and they can help you understand what your partner is interested in and what they are not.
It is also important to talk about sexual boundaries and what you both want in the bedroom. Your partner cannot read your mind, and you need to let them know what turns you on, what turns you off, and where you want to go with the relationship. You should also discuss any sex preferences you have, such as touching, grinding, masturbating in front of each other, or what to do after sex.
2. Don’t be afraid to say no
If your new partner wants to try something that doesn’t feel right, it is okay to say no. Whether it is sexual touch, penetration or other acts that you don’t want to experience it is important to communicate this. It will help your partner respect your boundaries and will allow you to have an orgasm without the risk of unwanted pregnancy, STIs or HIV.
If you have been through sexual trauma it is especially important to practice communicating your yeses and noes with a partner. Sexual trauma often leads to dissociation from sexual experiences. Having the ability to say no in these situations is an essential part of healing and reintegrating into healthy relationships.
It is helpful to have a mental tick-list of what you are and aren’t comfortable with sexually. This will make it easier to say no in the heat of the moment. This also shows that you are responsible and are using discernment. It will give your partner confidence that you will advocate for yourself and won’t be a pushover.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Whether you’re a man or woman, sex with a new partner can be a daunting experience. You may worry that your new partner will judge you for your body, or that they won’t understand your sexual desires. You might also be worried that they will be inexperienced and make mistakes. Whatever the case, it is important to ask for help when needed.
McKenna Maness, sex educator and former education and prevention coordinator at SCAP, says it is important to talk openly about everything related to sex with a new partner before getting it on. This includes discussing STIs, contraceptives, and boundaries. It is also a good idea to talk about what turns your new partner on and what doesn’t.
Finally, it is important to remember that sex is a physical and emotional experience, not a competition. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have a mind-blowing orgasm. Besides, orgasms aren’t even the best part of sex. The most important thing is that you and your new partner enjoy yourselves. And the best way to do that is by working in a variety of emotions.
4. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings
A big part of sexual pleasure is being able to communicate what works for you. Talking about sex, describing how your body feels during foreplay or the act, and sharing fantasies can all make for an incredibly sensual experience. It’s a good idea to do all of this before deciding to have sex with someone new, especially since different things work for different people.
Besides establishing a sense of intimacy and trust, communicating your desires is important because it ensures that you’re doing sex with the right person. If you want to have sex with a partner and they’re not interested, that’s their decision—it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you.
And finally, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have a mind-blowing orgasm. Most new encounters are exploratory, and 50 percent of the time they don’t result in an orgasm. Instead of worrying about it, try to enjoy the intimacy you’re building with your partner. If you can laugh during foreplay, the act or afterplay, then that’s a pretty great sign that things are going well.
5. Don’t be afraid to say yes
Often, people are afraid to say no because they think that will hurt their partner. However, saying no is not the same as not loving someone anymore. If you love someone, you will want them to be happy, so it is important to have boundaries in place to ensure that everyone feels comfortable. It is also helpful to discuss these boundaries before you have sex so that you know what to expect.
Finally, it is important to remember that sex with a new partner can be scary and stressful, especially if you have been through a breakup. You may be worried that they will judge you or not be good in bed, or that they will never call the next morning afterward (both of these things are unlikely). If you have these fears, it is best to talk about them before handing yourself over for some sexy fun. This is also a great opportunity to talk about your boundaries in the bedroom and what turns you on.