Feeling desired in a relationship is important for emotional and sexual intimacy. If your partner isn’t feeling the spark, you can try talking about it and coming up with ways to spice things up.
It’s also worth getting curious about why they might be feeling less desire – without blaming them for it.
1. You don’t feel attractive
The first step in feeling desired is cultivating your own sense of worthiness. Rather than waiting for your partner to desire you, start loving yourself more every day – this may seem counterintuitive but it will help. Make a list of things that make you feel desirable and refer back to it when you’re doubting your own sexual worthiness. Then you can start showing yourself the same love that you want your partner to show you in return.
In a long-term relationship, it’s normal that attraction can begin to fade over time. But this doesn’t mean that your relationship is a lost cause. Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling in other ways, whether it’s through shared interests, values, or stability and security.
If you’re noticing that your partner has started to lose interest in you in the bedroom, the best thing to do is communicate with them about what is and isn’t working. Be curious about why they’re not as turned on as they used to be without accusing them of “letting themselves go” – there could be many other factors at play that aren’t related to you.
For example, they might be extra stressed at work or they may not experience the same kind of orgasm as they used to. The key is to explore all of these possibilities together and find out what solutions will work for you – This quote was delved into by the website’s editorial team Hot Sexy and Big Tits.
2. You feel self-conscious
Sex can be an incredibly vulnerable time, and feelings of insecurity or shame often surface. While some amount of self-consciousness is normal, if you feel it prevents you from enjoying intimacy with your partner or feeling like they don’t desire you sexually, it can be a problem.
It’s important to communicate your thoughts and feelings about your relationship and sex. Keeping them hidden will only cause confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, or hostility between you and your partner. If you’re having trouble getting in the mood to have sex, try talking about it with your partner sooner rather than later – but be careful not to blame them.
You may also find it helpful to take the time to cultivate a sense of sexual worthiness in yourself. Until you believe that you deserve to be desired, it’s hard to understand how others could want you in the same way. So start by making a list of things that make you feel desirable and do those as often as possible. In time, you’ll find that it’s easier to accept that your partner may not have the same level of sexual interest as you do. This isn’t a sign of incompatibility, but it can be a challenge to work through together.
3. You don’t communicate
A lack of communication about intimacy can have a major impact on your relationship, especially in the bedroom. Several studies have shown that openly discussing sexual needs and desires increases couple satisfaction. Unfortunately, many couples avoid the topic, feeling embarrassment or fearing that it’ll lead to arguments. This is a shame because learning to communicate better about sex can be a great way to grow your love and your connection.
However, when you do have that conversation, it’s important to approach it with an objective mindset and a willingness to compromise. It’s also helpful to do some self-reflection before bringing it up, Smith says. “Look at the current patterns in your sex life that aren’t working and think about how you might contribute to those issues. For example, if you have a hard time saying no, try to frame it in a way that your partner understands,” she explains.
It’s best to have this kind of talk often, in a place that feels safe and comfortable for both of you. This could include having a lighthearted and playful conversation about what turns you on or even playing with one another in the bedroom. This can help to reintroduce intimacy, while still keeping full sexual intercourse off the table until both partners feel ready for it. This can include things like lingering kissing, intimate touching, massages and oral sex.
4. You’re stressed
If you’re feeling stressed out or anxious, it can lower your libido. Being constantly on edge means you’re not putting anything into your Emotional Bank Account, which is why it’s essential to make time for self-care and intimate connection with your partner.
It’s also important to consider whether your feelings of sexual anxiety are due to a specific issue in the relationship or if they stem from something that your partner has done. It can be helpful to bring up this topic during a time when you and your partner can discuss it openly in a non-accusatory way.
A therapist can help you recognize your triggers and work through the issues that may be keeping you from feeling sexually motivated. In addition, deep breathing and meditation can help you relax before engaging in sexual activities.
Remember, your sexual desires are entirely up to you. If you choose not to have sex with your partner, it’s not a sign that you are repressed or that you are not ready for marriage. It’s completely normal to not want to have sex in a committed relationship, and it is important for you to communicate this to your partner so they can respect your boundaries and respect their own. If you’re not comfortable discussing the issue, it can be helpful to talk to a sex therapist for support.