There are a lot of factors that can impact whether or when someone is ready for physical intimacy. Things like sex drive, abstaining from sex due to religion or culture, and certain medical conditions can all play a role.
However, there are a few classic steps partners should go through before making the leap to being physically intimate.
1. Physical Touch
Physical touch is a highly sought after love language and many people self-identify it as one of their top two. It is important to be sure you are on the same page with your partner when it comes to touching. Having an open conversation where you both express your feelings and preferences around physical intimacy will help you to make the most of it in your relationship.
For some, this might involve hugging each other or placing an arm around them. For others, it might mean caressing their hair, brushing their arm or shoulder, grazing their face or forehead, or kissing on the lips. Often, this is the precursor to foreplay and signals a significant level of comfort in the relationship.
While it is a difficult love language to meet if your boo lives a plane ride away, there are many ways to make physical touch an everyday part of your relationship. Cuddle with them when they watch TV, rub their shoulders while they are stressed, put your hand on their leg or behind their back.
2. Eye Contact
Eye contact is a huge part of attraction. It signals that you’re interested and that you like the person. Eye contact also demonstrates that you trust them and are open to their feelings.
If they keep their eyes on yours for a second longer than they normally would (without breaking it), this is an indication that they are interested in you. This is called Level 2 eye contact.
However, it’s important to break eye contact quickly if you’re uncomfortable with it. Looking away can make you appear nervous or shy. Also, if you look away too quickly (darting your eyes) it can signal suspicious or critical feelings.
When you and your partner are chatting, try to keep your gaze on each other for about four to five seconds. This may feel awkward at first, so be patient and practice. Whenever you feel comfortable, you can increase the length of time you look into each other’s eyes. It’s a great way to show interest in your partner without being creepy! Try to synchronize your breathing when you’re doing this.
3. Voice Contact
Initiating sex can be intimidating, especially for partners who are not comfortable with this aspect of intimacy. But if you are open and honest about your needs with your partner, it’s okay to take charge of the situation by offering to initiate sex when you both feel ready. This will show that you are in control of your own intimate experience and that you do not need to wait for your partner to lead you. Even when you are not in the mood for sex, it’s important to continue the emotional connection through touch and talking. The intimacy will still be there, but it may look different than before.
4. Hand to Body
When a couple gets to the hand-holding stage it means they are displaying a high level of comfort and a deep trust in one another. They are not afraid to cross their personal space and break the first physical boundary of intimacy, and they are ready to explore more intimate parts of the body. This can include grabbing each other’s shoulders, grabbing each other’s hips/waist, or holding hands while kissing.
This is the pre-sexual foreplay stage and is a lot of fun. Couples may experiment with different positions and explore their fantasies together. It is also a good idea to find some healthy relationship books that focus on sex and intimacy so you can learn some new ideas.
Next comes the mouth to torso stage which is sexual foreplay and shows that the couple is very comfortable and trusting of one another. Licking, nibbling, sucking, and exploring the neck and breasts indicate a high level of sexual desire and a great deal of emotion. It is difficult to turn back at this point. Giving yourself completely to someone sexually binds you to them emotionally and spiritually.
5. Kissing
Kissing is an essential part of foreplay, a way to bond with your partner and get intimate. And, if you’re both into it, it can lead to oral and penetrative sex.
Start with soft, feathery kisses and work up to more pressure. Move in, pull back, and tilt your head to add variety. Use your tongue (as long as you don’t over-do it — you can always dial things back if it gets slobbery). Kiss the sides of their mouth, the back of their throat, their lips, and all other parts of their mouth. Notice how you both respond to these kissing sensations, and take note of when they want to stop or go deeper.
You can also make it even more intimate by slipping your hands into theirs and caressing their face, shoulders, and neck. You can also gently graze their ear lobes, and even touch the back of their head or their waist, depending on where they are at. Just remember to ask them for feedback verbally so they know you’re paying attention and respecting their boundaries.