If you dream about sleeping with someone, it doesn’t necessarily imply that you have feelings for them. This is because dreams are about your own mind, not other people’s.
Having sex dreams may indicate that you are feeling insecure about your current relationship. Alternatively, it could be about unresolved grief from a past relationship.
1. You’re attracted to someone
When you’re attracted to someone, it can be natural to have sex dreams that involve them. It can also be a sign of healthy libido and normal sexual arousal. But sex dreams don’t always mean that you want to have sex with that person in real life, experts say. Instead, they usually represent themes or symbols in your current relationships. “Dreams are a metaphor for parts of yourself that need extra attention or care,” says sex and relationship expert Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of Integrative Sex & Couples Therapy. For example, if you’re dreaming about having sex in public, it may be because you and your partner need to take more risks in the bedroom.
If you’re dreaming about an ex, it could be a sign that you still have unresolved feelings about them. But if you’re dreaming about your boss, it could be a sign that you need to learn how to take more command of different aspects of your life.
In addition, dreams often come on the heels of a connection with someone in your life. “So if you’re dreaming about a person, ask yourself if you’ve recently connected with them on some level and what that connection is,” Loewenberg advises. “Is it a work connection or is it more intimate?” She suggests asking yourself these questions to better understand why you’re having a sex dream about that person in particular.
2. You’re insecure
If you’re dreaming about your boss or someone in a position of authority in your life, it doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with them. Rather, this is a sign that you’re feeling insecure in your current situation or environment. This is a good time to take stock of your personal and professional life, and find ways to be more confident and assertive.
Similarly, if you dream about your partner cheating on you, it may be because you’re insecure in your own relationship and are worried that your loved one isn’t committed to you. Alternatively, the dream may be a warning that you are trying to do too much in your life and need to focus on fewer projects or goals.
A lot of sex dreams can be confusing as they often have little to do with sex itself, but are more about your emotions and desires. If you’re having trouble interpreting your dreams, consider speaking to a therapist. If you aren’t sure where to start, check out ReGain, an online therapy platform that allows users to speak to a therapist with just a few clicks of the mouse. They’ll match you with a therapist that best fits your needs, and you can even schedule video or phone sessions.
3. You’re in a relationship
When you’re in a relationship, dreaming about sex can mean that you are sexually attracted to your partner or that you want them to be more intimate with you. However, the dream may also be a warning that you’re attracted to someone else or that something in your relationship needs to change.
For example, if you are having dreams about having sex in public, it could symbolize your desire to be more open and honest with your partner or it could mean that you are feeling like your partnership isn’t working out. Or, if you’re dreaming about having kinky sex, it may mean that you want to experiment and explore your relationship in different ways.
Similarly, if you’re dreaming about your ex-partner it may be a sign that you are feeling jealous or threatened in your current relationship. Or, it could be a reminder of the qualities you loved about them that you are longing for in your own relationship.
All dreams are up for interpretation, but remember that it’s often a symbol for something deeper within your subconscious. And, if the dream is troubling or recurring, it’s worth talking to a professional to get to the bottom of it. So, next time you have a steamy sex dream, don’t panic. Your brain is just trying to tell you something.
4. You’re bored
We can all agree that sex dreams are weird, but they can also be super interesting. Decoding them, however, can be a little tricky. Thankfully, researchers have done their homework and are getting closer to answering this age-old question.
It turns out, sex dreams can be about things that don’t involve sexual activity at all. For example, if you dream about a sexual act and it’s not with your partner, it could mean that you need to be more vulnerable or open in your relationship. Likewise, if you’re having dreams about a friend who you have no desire to sleep with, it could symbolize that you need to be more respectful of their boundaries.
Dreams can also symbolize something deeper than just a desire for sex. For instance, if you’re dreaming about a hunky coworker, it may represent a need for intimacy in your work life. Alternatively, it could mean that you’re feeling powerless in your current situation, and that you need to take charge more often.
Ultimately, the meaning of your sex dreams is a pretty personal thing that’s unique to each individual. But if you keep having them, it’s worth looking at why that might be and how you can apply those insights to your waking life. Madeleine is Prevention’s assistant editor and a health writer with a background in medicine, nutrition, and wellness.